all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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