oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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