Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
