we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
