Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
