i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is wine microwaveable?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
