I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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