I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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