and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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