Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
