You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
