I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
