Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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