i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
