YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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