first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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