So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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