I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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