I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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