lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
