You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
