I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize