I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
