my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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