I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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