I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
