The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
