Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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