You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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