Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize