i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
