My liver just broke up with me...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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