she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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