This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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