omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
