I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
