is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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