It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He shit in the fireplace
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
