Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
