girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize