is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
