Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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