oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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