what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
