I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
