I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
