I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
