dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
