Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
