You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
