i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
