You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
