She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
