Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
