He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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