It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
