Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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