I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize