Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
