Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
