we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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