using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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